These last 3 1/2 weeks have been extremely trying for me. The first few days of laying/sitting around holding my ankle still, were bearable and even slightly relaxing, inspite of my throbbing ankle. But that got old REALLY fast. I can't even begin to explain how frustrating and torturing it is to be held captive to an accidental injury that rendures you completely helpless. I like to work and I work hard to keep my home and family in order. My sweet husband did his best at taking over all of my duties, but he doesn't have the same expectations that I have so things were falling through the cracks. There were times when I would hobble around the house on my crutches and notice a hundred little tasks being overlooked that needed done, and I would try to convice myself that it was fine, they weren't crucial to the welfare of our children. But they would nag at me till I couldn't handle it any more and I would break down in tears of frustration from being forced to let go. I finally had all the time in the world, but I couldn't do anything that required the use of 2 legs and 2 arms.
An even more difficult adjustment, was getting used to missing my children even though they were around. The week before my surgery and the week after, I pretty much stayed in my room propped up on my bed. I could hear my family going about their day, eating their meals, going in and out of the house, playing, watching movies, but I wasn't a part of it. I didn't realize how much I would miss fixing breakfast for Bracken at 6am or tying Nathan's shoes. I couldn't be their mommy in a normal everyday way and that was really hard. Eventually, as my injury started to heal, I felt up to spending my day on the couch and sitting at the table for some of my meals which helped a lot. I have always loved watching my children play, but it has meant a lot more to me recently.
This latest week has been the most emotionally trying for me. Curtis needed to spend most of his time preparing for the upcoming semester since he had to devote all his time to caring for me and the kids for the first half of his Christmas break. My mother came down for the week after my surgery which allowed me to relax more with our family and home in her capable hands. She even put away all my Christmas decorations. But she had some obligations that required her presence in Idaho so she took the boys back with her since I couldn't care for them and Curtis needed to focus on his job. They had a blast playing with their Aunts and being adored by Grandparents but I had 4 very long and lonely days. I knew I would miss my kids, but missing them combined with all the other mounting frustrations of my situation, was almost more than I could bare. I cried a lot and watched a lot of movies.
I am now on my 4th week of living as an invalid and things are starting to look up. I was cleared for a walking cast on Monday, and I have instructions to slowly work up to putting my full weight on my foot over this next week. Though seeing what my foot and ankle look like after surgery, was shocking. They were shapless and hideous and I didn't expect my incisions to be so long and full of awful staples. I still have a long way to go till I am back to normal but I was able to stand straight on, facing the mirror to comb my hair this morning, and it felt good. I have even been able to sleep on my sides again which has been amazing. Being pregnant with a broken ankle has made things slightly more difficult. I have had to sleep propped up (since I can't sleep on my back right now) with my leg elevated and still for 3 weeks. It was getting rough, my body was aching in places I have never ached before simply from the lack of variety in positions and movments. And my bumb/tail bone pretty much aches all day long from living life sitting down. And all the muscles and joints in my arms are sore from supporting my 180 lb pregnant self on cruches, but like I said things are looking up.
In the mean time I am learning to relish the little things I can do like get myself dressed. I even made my bed this morning. I crawled on my hands and knees and it took me 20 minutes but I did it. Plus, I have plenty of time for snuggles. I used to dread hearing Bracken's little footsteps on the kitchen floor at all hours of the morning, but now I love it because it means I get some serious snuggle time before his day takes off. Having Curtis pamper me and cater to my every need has been enjoyable too. With my new sleeker cast I can now wear my regular pants and not just sweat pants. So, yes, things are improving.
There is no denying that this unfortunate injury has been a major set back for our family. When is something like this ever convenient? It dampened our Holidays, but at the same time Curtis was on break and available to step up to the task at hand. It has thrown a kink in our home improvement plans for the break as well as pushed our "get ready for baby" timeline back several notches. Our lives will be barely back to normal and it will be time for baby #3 to bless our home. But we are alive, healthy and together. And that's what is most important.
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